Reconnect to your partner

If you are hoping for productive communication, the kind which is the foundation of a satisfying, secure connection, most likely you can get it. Even if things have been hard for a while, it does not mean it has to stay that way. It can get better!

Yes, the partners were upset about everyday things, but underneath they were screaming about something else...attachment needs, longings, fears that are universal in human nature. She knew that if the protective secondary emotions blocked each partner from seeing the vulnerability of the other, the couple would not be able to turn things around, because it is the vulnerability in each partner that changes the trajectory of a troubled relationship.

In session, I track the predictable, off-putting behaviors that manifest in attachment distress (criticism, blame, avoidance). I am not put off by them because I know they are pointing to something important. As your therapist, individual or couples, no matter what I am listening to in session, I will try to understand how you got to where you are and help you, then gradually present you to your partner in a new light. In individual therapy, if talking about your partner dominates your session, this is probably best handled in couples therapy where the therapist has access to both partners. It can be incredibly damaging to a relationship, whether marital or family, when an individual therapist only hears one side of the story. Most relationships can be helped by the transformative power of EFT.

Have you wondered if your partner would be there for you when you really need them? Can you turn toward your relationship, seeing it as a source of comfort and safety? Do you still hope that things could be good again? Has a negative dynamic evolved over time that has resulted in more and more distance creating an impasse?

As a couples therapist trained in the art of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), I value deeply the hard work of psychologist, Dr. Sue Johnson, the founder of EFT, who early in her career, was confounded by how to help the struggling couples sitting with her. In her determination to crack the code of her couples' distress, she discovered there was a specific pattern to the negative behaviors that kept showing up at key times and even though the couples were different...the emotional patterns were the same.

Maria Costa earned her B.A. in both Art History and Studio Art (painting) at the College of Charleston, Charleston, South Carolina. She has worked as a portrait artist doing commissions which over time, developed her interest in psychology. Maria completed her M.A. in Counseling Psychology with an Emphasis in Depth Psychology at Pacifica Graduate Institute in Carpinteria, California in 2019. Over the last 4 years, Maria has received extensive training in Emotionally Focused Therapy and has recently earned certification from ICEEFT (International Center for Emotionally Focused Therapy) in couples therapy. She helps couples to communicate better and rebuild their bond or maybe build it for the first time.

Now she has started her own practice, Shadowlands Couples Therapy, where using the EFT model, she concentrates on distilling complex emotional experience into something not only understandable, but predictable. Emotional reactions, no matter how big or small, follow predictable patterns and relationships that may look like an absolute mess to her clients, make sense when viewed through the Attachment lens.

In her free time, Maria works with her horses, keeping them happy. She spends time in her art studio, her painting continues with skyscapes of light and atmosphere; the occasional portrait as well. She likes to look out her window and not always see a blue sky.

Fees/Payment

My fee is $200 for Couples per 60 minute session.

Individual Attachment History Interviews for Couples are $200. Individual sessions as needed for Couples are $160.

Therapy for Individual clients is $160 per 60 minute session.

Clients are expected to pay the direct rate at the end of each session and can pay by cash, check, or credit card (Visa or Mastercard). If you would like to pay by check, please have the check filled out to Shadowlands Couples Therapy, PLLC so we do not have to divert at the end of session.

Cancellations

Please be aware that I have a 24-hour cancellation policy. Cancellations made less than 24-hours in advance are subject to the full session rate. I have a rotating cancellation list of people who I offer the appointment time to and need time to notify them of upcoming availability.

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406-414-6774